The abusive, shit starting, hateful, drama loving ex wife who is determined to make our life hell, the woman who has stolen from us, taken credit cards out in his name (up until 1 yr ago ), jeopardized my career due to false CPS reports, false police reports, put us in debt of over $36,000, was moved back to this state, into my mother in laws house. Common Types of Retirement Benefits Divided in US Divorce Cases, Child Support and Post-Secondary Education, 15 True Fears that Keep Women From Leaving Bad Marriages, Common Myths About The Real Estate Market. But most divorces do not end up with exes hanging out with previous in-laws. I met someone who wanted to marry me, my family rejected him. To one of the commenters, if he was a good person, he wouldnt be abusive! And have 5kids. It makes it harder for me to bond with my new family if the ex is constantly a presence. Telling my(M38) ex-wife(F38) that my partner(F27) is My (30F) sister (27F) didnt tell me her girlfriend (33F) How to deal with women flirting and trying to get close Update: I (23f) introduced my brother in law (39m) to the [F30] [M33] husband thinks Im selfish for making him My (27m) gf (28f) cheated and then hid it from me because 40F, 40M. Whats worse is she never had a kind word to say about him while we were married. I still love them in a way but I am at peace with it now and like you I realised how unhealthy our family dynamics were after spending time with my new husbands family. Im going through something similar with my ex girlfriend but my problem is I got married and my family are scolding my wife for not excepting my ex as a friend. There are also ways to stay in touch with an ex's family without staying friends, if that's something you're interested in. I have to question why your family members are participating with him to hurt you like this. Once he left, I told my niece that I wanted her to remove him from suicidal media. There were other issues like the leftover personal items mysteriously disappearing in the 15 month long divorce. Why? A few have since come aroubd sheepishly and Wowww the lies he told. Curious if you still think everyone should ignore that? My ex-wife divorced me with no reason after 29 years of marriage. For example, whenever my Ex comes up during a conversation, when there are several people around, (cousins, my sister) they will ask, If things are better with my Ex. He was selfishly looking out for just himself. Im sure there are other options as well that you might want to brainstorm. If you tell your boyfriend how you feel no matter how painful it is or vulnerable you feel then you're being your true self with him. You feel that way around him because of your past. Being cordial with your ex when they run into him is fine, but to have holidays, bbqs, make friends with his girlfriend, super bowl parties etc, uhbig NO. I have full custody and he has visitation. She told me that with all her might and energy she would see to it that the Id never have a relationship. But it wasnt the same. She is married and has two children, neither are his. I dont know wether to bite the bullet and start going over, it could possibly deter them if I go over more often, or do I just accept it and not have a relationship with my sister ? She doesnt know the really bad things he did to me, if she did she certainly would not be his friend, but of course I would not tell her as it would be horrible for him and could possibly affect his relationship if she new what that man is capable of. I divorced my husband 17 years ago. My ex went to prison a year after we married for a long time and I stuck with him. I actually has concluded that we are done from this marriage, but I took a second thought when I got home, I REALIZED THAT IF i SHOULD LEAVE, THEN MY HUSBAND WOULD NOT HESITATE TO GET MARRIED BACK TO HIS EX WIFE. He had his son with another woman that ended and soon after he began a relationship with his Ex. He acts like any feelings are my problem, or he doesnt care about how I feel as if its an annoyance. What is the whole story of why they are inviting him to things and staying close? My ex is very maniputive,controling and very subtly makes false accusations by planting a seed. I think your familys behaviour is incredibly disrespectful and dismissive of you. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? He hasnt moved on with another woman which I was really hoping he would but he did move right across from my parents home which is convenient for them all. He then changed the locks on our home leaving me with no possessions. I packed up and moved to another state once my kids went off to college. Anyone in they right mind who think that this is okay is the ideal picture of betrayal. I have long ago accepted their hate and moved on. Its where Im at now. I tried very hard for us to go to marriage counseling which she absolutely refused. Unfortunately the marriage just did not work. Just my opinion, Idk my family has gone as far as attempting to commit me to a hospital and my doctor said she felt thats best for her and everyone else. Divorce just hurts. If his family and I had been close I would have expected to still be close to them after the divorce as well. Is there some kind of clinical He hurt me!!! Especially the first year. We had Christmas morning at my step-daughters and my daughter brought my ex over there as well. I think every situation is different. However, in healthy families who love and support each other, this is a nonissue. When I first got divorced my ex was hanging around a lot of my family. Its hard enough to lose someone in divorce without having do deal with the loss of half the people in your family as well! What hurts most is theyve held me as Ive cried through all of this. I told my nephew how I felt about him letting my ex and his g/ f come stay there. We found out that it was because they allowed his two GROWN sons Mom to come into town with them and join into HIS family festivities. It would be more worrying if he would instantly forget about her. I was married for 20 years and was very unhappy and felt controlled by my ex my whole life. Furthermore, if our adult children are involved, I feel like I have to compete for their attention. Those are good signs. There are stories, you can find them online, where couples do manage this and the kids are much better adjusted and its a win/win. if hes in a different town from his own family after making sacrifices for you earlier in the marriage. I dont understand because I have a granddaughter from their marriage. The crazy thing is the family members that are still in contact with my ex Would be furious if that was done to them!!! Yesterday he text her about how wrong it was, how it hurt him and was a huge mistake. The only thing Ive ever said was to my sister explaining that I dont feel comfortable coming to family functions if my ex is there. Like a lot of people here, same situation. This should not be about exclusion but learning to get a long despite marital changes. Of course my heart was ripped out and I have voiced my feelings about the whole situation to only be ignored. I hear the heartbreak in your words. Myself; I honestly could not square it with my conscience to stay involved with an exes family if the ex had been isolated by them unless they were the most heinous of people. And a therapist could help you come up with some methods for dealing with your ex so you dont change who you are around him. Those that do are weak and lack a moral conscience. Hi Lilia i completely agree. My children and I where not invited. Why would she invite your EX to events & parties? At my mothers house with my 2 sisters and their 5 cousins. My current boyfriend had no issue with my relationship with my ex BUT the reality of the situation was always out in the open. I can only say this, distance yourself from all of them, (as you have), and make the best of your life. My wife abandon me and the kids and went to stay with her ex boyfriend after we got married. Now he is all wealthy and still lives in his bubble. so i wrote him sent him my fone numbrrhe call me he telling me how he was gonna send someone 2 get my address he wanted 2 get intouch with me. At least for the sake of your kids. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. You are absolutely not being unreasonable! I just found out that he talked to hes mom about her and that she blocked him witch means their were in contacted It sounds like you have hate in your heart for your husband. Such a slap in the face! Please do what is best for your NEW family. I do not need my husband anymore he can go to hell with his child support that he never pays. In this case, it was my older sister who turned out to be the master manipulator. If the custody of your children is reversed would you want him to treat you like shit and the family!! Its been 10 years. Yes, unfortunately, some families never learned to be respectful to their siblings and siblings choices. Two baseball teams do not share the same coach. He divorced me and it appears he also got my family in the settlement. Because I didnt speak and didnt know he was doing this, my friends and family are no more. I shouldnt have to spend days we marked off as being my day with my children sharing them with him now. My mom and I werent on the best of terms because as a child I whistle blew on her abuse of my sister and I. I tried to get them to have a relationship with him. They feel they have to keep things going with her in order to see the kids. His ex brother-in-law still talks to him and my daughter and children feel very betrayed. I agree. Never did she say he was abusive. Now some want to reconnect but they just had him over for Christmas. No your not unreasonable! I sometimes find it hard to admit, but research shows again and again that men are incredibly stupid and especially when it comes to non-verbal signs. If you're still hanging out with their family because you genuinely want to, and not for any other reason, then you might be able to make a friendship with their family work. They broke my heart and I never want anything to do with them again. The hurt stays and never goes away. second.. your sister and mom are your kids family just as their father is. The part that really bothers me is they would be furious if that was done to anyone of them!! The next day my husband came home, treated my head and heart and treats me gently, respectfully, and lovingly. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have us behind her, emotionally (the most important part) and financially (my parents) in her divorce. That means ur family are in support of that divorce if not they will not be friend to is girl friend and ur sister, is very bad for them to go out with is girl friend I did not support it. His family NEVER once reached out to me and when we were getting a divorce I was a stay at home mom with two little kids with one of them being severely handicapped. J well that may be your perception of the situation, but generally people do not dump because they are with a good man or father.relationships are intricate and NO ONE other than the 2 people in the relationship KNOW what the TRUTH is between them. I feel completely betrayed and as if they traded me in for her. I am so sorry. Made snide comments about his excessive drinking and mishandling of money. They divorced. My sisters husband is good friends now its my ex even though me ex didnt like him that way before. I just found out that theyre all on a weekend vacation together. Shes not moving on, establishing new ties or a relationship with a new man and his family. You lie endlessly, playing with the emotions and health of others because you feel like its just a game and they lost because of course everything is their fault. It doesnt make it any less painful. Hes never done that before. I am still going through the nightmare, my family never stuck up for me and my oldest Adult son believes so religiously I am a liar and I cheated first, and I m too blame. To be honest it sounds sort of weird that he is that close to them and sounds like hes got some issues. Maybe they have other reasons as well. Everybody tells me I need to leave him. They honestly thought i was crazy and my ex the victim because i had left him. What about a BBQ or planning a family trip. My family did the same thing and I was blindsided. My husband has a brother who sides with the ex-wife. The hurt is so great and their lack of support has been devastating. You're also telling him that you don't fully trust him. Blood is thicker than water and family comes first. I want all of your contacts so we can all be friends . My ex asked me to abort our children and knocked me on the ground when I was 8 months pregnant. Your family sound like they are overstepping boundaries. I would recommend some counseling to talk through your feelings about your ex, so you can forgive and move on. Many divorces occur, because someone was a terrible spouse. They are already making their choices, which is to involve him in their lives still. Im beyond heartbroken. My ex and I divorced after 28 years of marriage. Shelter? Youre right to feel what youre feeling. On this week's advice column, experts advise someone who is jealous that their boyfriend is still living with his ex. It takes a hell of a lot of unhappiness and often abuse for someone to not only leave a relationship but their home etc etc. Good luck to you. Unfortunately she has seen how hurt I have been by my sisters and therefore does not want to be around them either. Any interest in further PM? Trying to dig out of the depression is hard, doing whats best for you is near impossible. As time went on, I noticed that my sister (and her husband and kids) still stayed pretty close to my ex. Is never invite my ex along with his new piece to hang out. My family has seen my tears, saw me raise my girls alone, and saw and heard the heart break Ive been through. However, as time goes on I see them looking at you as unreasonable. You need to put her in her place and tell your mom and everyone else to respect you because once they an EX its an EX! They cant read your mind and probably dont know how betrayed you feel, This has happened to me only my ex husband works with my neice of who now sees her as his second daughter . My ex was in all family functions, where I will bump into him there, though we did not part amicably, I tried to be civil in his presence. 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