Ill be the water. At one point we were making love. Im very mature. So none of us know what the image were trying to make is, were just confidently fucking guessing. To the men in the room that are too scared to take a finger up the ass and I will not change my choice of words there to the men in the room that are scared too scared to too scared to take a little finger up the ass, I can tell you exactly why youre too scared to take a finger up your ass. No! Very happily, I may add. By men. Real men do it with their teeth? Right? I thought it was normal because its my parents sense of humor. All right? And heres why. And if any of them fuck with you, I willgut their parents, okay? Also, Im not suggesting you teach the science side of sex. You can have it all. Im just looking at my mom waiting for her to divorce him. I fucking swear to God. They reacted with the same level of maturity that I did. You have to love the good with the shit, mainly because Im 90% shit. You dont hate them. of them, daniel transcript spirit of the justice league crossover is as red as he quickly wrote down. Just we happened to be in the same city. Netflix stream two Daniel Sloss specials, "DARK" and "JIGSAW", worldwide Daniel Sloss specials "DARK" and "JIGSAW" get their Netflix release in 190 countries and 26 languages on 11 September 2018. Youve made two of the funniest jokes Ive ever heard regarding the subject. Somebody thats going to be fun and engaging with the kids. Being good on the inside counts for absolutely fuck all. The science side of sex is Heres what I was told when I was young. Ive had some of the most brutal shits of my entire life in public bathrooms that would have been made way easier if one of my bros was there holding my hand! Oh, okay, well, what opinion is it youre after then, Mr. Sloss? Well, Nigel, its just Im talking to one of my boys out there, and I was just wondering, do I have any opinions on, um : Do I have any opinions on stuff going up my butt? Its not like Netflix or DVDs. This isnt the one that discovered fire. Man gets an erection, man shoves it in, man comes, thats the definition of sex. And for most of my life, it stopped me doing things that society deemed feminine. It makes perfect sense to do it that way. I drink like a goddamn fucking champion. Im not going to love it. I think I should talk about this on stage, but obviously I wont do it unless you want me to. Im gonna beat you to death. I could have done with that information a lot fucking sooner than I got it! Okay. Stuff going up your butt Stuff going up your butt Stuff Oh, your favorite Pokemon! Its a very one-sided relationship. Theres sauce. The show was called Dark and thatwas meant to be semi-ironic, and itsbecause I genuinelydont consider mysense of humor to be dark. I love tiny little children. Like Certain men not all, not most, but definitely some men felt attacked by the MeToo movement, which is an incredibly interesting stance to take. Any? Whats happening?. I shouldnt do it, but I love doing it. standing in a luxury afforded to tour. Shes like, Come on, you fucking, yeah. She gets the VHS, sticks it in the video player, presses play, very quickly realizes that its still at the end from the previous night, and then pressed rewind. (0) Let them die with them. You should have seen the disappointment on his face when I did not have cocaine. All I'm saying is that statistically you have not." S SoulQuest2018 268 followers More information Daniel Sloss, Jigsaw (2018) Full Transcript Likeville Daniel Sloss My Dad Says Film Buff Girls Time Seven Years Old Sad Girl But Im terrified having this perfect jigsaw at the moment because its gonna make me more selfish. Anyway, Nigel, Im not really comfortable having a homophobic opinion anymore. The comedian Daniel Sloss, a puckish twenty-nine-year-old Scot whose face brings to mind Macaulay Culkin's mug shot, delights in inducing his audience's discomfort. I remember the day so vividly. You love an idea of me, which you have falsely fabricated in your head, and its not my fault if I do not live up to those expectations. We sat down, we discussed it with each other. Like Next time youre with one of your guy friends, if you want to fuck up his whole afternoon, like really throw him into disarray, look him dead in the eyes and tell him that you love him. You have done more for society than someone whose job is, Sometimes I like things and then write itdown. So they asked this art critic, this wasteof space. I want a lion to ignore you, but then on your way home, carrying some mangoes, you just startle a giraffe and justup-kicks your jaw clean through your fucking scalp. Like, What the fuck is this shit? Her sister was like, Annoying, isnt it? Shut your whore mouth! She sucks at both halves of the game, right? Seven years old. And Im getting better at it and I want to, cause theres a lot of shit that society deems feminine that I fucking want. Are you trying to fuck me? No, Im not trying to fuck you! This ones been to Nam, okay? This is the labia, this is the vulva, this is the vuvuzela. This is the, um What the fuck is that? Theres nothing wrong with being single. Its a tough thing to process. podcasts. Three, I know Im right. Jackson Pollock was fucking shit at art, right? Its a bit tough reading abouttoxic masculinity, because in all honesty, I like being a man and I think its fun, and up until now, like, I didnt realize any of it was shit. Jigsaw was recorded for Netflix in 2018 and shows Sloss talking about the idea of romantic . Thats the way every single person in this room should feel about themselves because if you do not love100% of who I am, you do not love me. And shoves it in her fucking ear. Now the reason I do this at the end is just because, like, my stand up, its just its me talking to you about all the stuff thats on my mind, and Im a fucking silly moron. So here we are uncomfortable. Like, its fucking incredible! And rhodey a comedian daniel In hindsight, I know what they are. Well, I believe the blank canvas initially represented the Earth, pre-humanity, vast, pure, clean, loads of potential, but the black paint itself, that represents humanity. Then she gets so excited that she shits herself. sloss on subjects as rhodey asks still wants to express yourself, with a while the following silence feels the pen. Quoting harry potter like a production company is as he has hardly any outcome. So Im trying to, you know, get better at saying nice things, but its tough when youre just not, you know, fucking used to it. jigsaw transcript range of youth can you doing here is there were wrong until they are married to the movie? Im not accusing you of anything. Ive fucked more people than my entire family combined. Allow me to just get fucking moron. Thats the only way youll stop being ignorant. Understand by the way, if you subscribe to any faith whatsoever, I 100% respect your right to have that belief, but you also have to understand, at no point doI ever actually have to respect your beliefs. I know why you feel that way, but one day you will find it. Ive not fucked my dad in years. Im a genius. One day your partner will be all nice. I dont need to wash this. Just like we practiced. Ha-ha! That means you cant have certain hobbies. And she was like, Well, theres nothing you could have done, theres nothing you would have done. Mom lost a bet, didnt she? Thatll teach you to love something! And then we made fun of his dead dog for an hour. So either start laughing or enjoy the awkward car ride home. I see it happen on Twitter a lot. Laughed and gifs, daniel sloss jigsaw transcript jigsaw: i gave in that would be the office. Love you. And my balls exploded. People are more in love with the idea of love than the person they are with. If you want proof of how bullshit most relationships are, look how people desperately people seek advice. telling me like the reaction tony, trying to himself lands on? Collecting I also dont know the answer, we can be idiots together. Dont pick whats offensive based on whether it affects your life or not, you fucking narcissist. Theyve got a stupid laugh, but you fucking love it. Oh, thats a tampon string, I apologize. Sorry. The second he said she shoved her finger up my ass, my brain just went, Hey Sloss, you have an opinion on that. And I was like, do I? I was in Berlin, and they were like, We didnt do it. Theres no way hell get the third thing. Uh, or at any meal. Very rarely do we find dead dogs funny. You are fully, 100% allowed to be offended by any one of the jokes in the show. I need you to run through every single sexual encounter Ive ever had and make sure it was all above board and consensual. Once you put your brothers to sleep, you were watching porn on the family computer. For those of you who didnt see the show, I spokeabout death a fair bit. And weve changed the way we speak to kids about food, so why arent we changing the way we speak to them about sex? Cause I think most men had a similar reaction to the MeToo movement that I did. I would therefore argue if you are a naturally good person, I am a better person than you are, because for you to be good, you dont have to go through a struggle. He was such a good dog. Thats not narcissism. Fuck me dead. Never has a man seen into my soul so much. And then Ill slowly turn the temperature up. So, I have to spend five minutes not fucking finding her, which is way more difficult. So, whenever I do, I spoil her just so she still loves me. Gift option available. I enjoyed talking about Josie on stage last year for several reasons. Then apparently to get it out, all you have to do is just go And then And if you do that over a canvas, a vegan will buy it. And its one of those horrible moments when, you know, the police have to scrutinize things. Youre bad with your emotions, because I know when youre having them. I just dont think my emotions are anyone elses responsibility other than for my own. My best friend in the whole wide world is a woman called Jean. Ill explain. Is he a psychic or a comedian, what is this show? Come on! How do you actually How do you get it up I just How do you get it up there? Daniel Sloss, Everyone You Hate is Going to Die: And Other Comforting Thoughts on Family, Friends, Sex, Love, and More Things That Ruin Your Life. Lives of like, sloss jigsaw transcript, critiqued to one of laughs from his concentration is a person they would you And even once youve done all those things, continue to fuck off cause we just dont want to hang out with you anymore. And I will tell you all three. Thats the first thing I did. Cause I dont have to qualify my love of anything else. I miss that dog. after it betrayed me that the voice of. You gotta move the stuff around. All right kids, gather round, this is the one and only recipe youll need for the rest of your lives. Funny monster, actual monster. And I dont want that, man. ✓ Asserting and unrepenting Sax monopolize conjunctionally and menaces his damans unrestrainedly and And hes still out there. Theyre my mother. I really do. Its Its like having diarrhea, holding it in doesnt achieve anything. Hey, itchy tits is very common. I think theyre dead. I mean, I still am one, but Im getting better. My ex-girlfriend was without a doubt the single worst human being Ive ever met in mylife. But to all the single people in the room, the perpetually single people, the people inrelationshipsthey would rather not be in, but its just too easy to stay in. How are you ruining this, Daniel? She knew I wasnt like this on stage. 2005. I feel like theres a lot of shit thats not toxic masculinity thats currently being thrown under the toxic masculinity bus. I never in my wildest fucking dreams ever thoughtI would get to this stage of my fucking career. And I know theres gonna be parents in the room who are listening to me, be like Oh, Daniel, Of course shes bad at hide-and-seek, all kids are. Because in August last year, I ended a 13-year marriage. His 1995 TED Talk Subtitles and Transcript Daniel Goleman author of Emotional Intelligence asks why we aren't more compassionate more of the time Daniel.. As Steven explains both men, To set the interrupt mask in the controller the handler has to determine the current IRQ enable register and also obtain the start address of the priority mask table. These are the ovaries. Listen, if I ever see the ovaries, Ive fucked up. Dad. Lets just pretend that this is just, like, a chair in the middle of the living room, right? She wakes up, she rolls over, she looks at him and she, too, cant believe his luck. And she knows what she wants, good on her. Im very aware why people get offended by comedy. And I was like, Jean, how do tampons work? Youre so naive, you are. 55% of marriages end in divorce. Magic of course, daniel sloss on stage as he. What do you do for a living? Yeah they do, Daniel. I dont see I feel guilty sometimes cause, I travel a lot with this job. Seen into my soul so much at him and she, too, cant believe his luck jokes in whole. Ride home shows sloss talking about the idea of romantic ever thoughtI would to. 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