Call them out intellectually or use their fear against them and watch how they retract. Your male relatives are a perfect example of toxic masculinity. The moment they started with their shit you should have put a stop to it. po Your family sounds awful. Typical snowflakes if you ask me. The second child is often the wild child who does everything they are not supposed to. What if you had a son? They all absolutely should know what could have occurred because they decided to hide his inhaler. Who thought it was a great idea for an asthmatic person to go on a 3 day trip with 4 individuals who had already slashed his tires to "see what type of man he is"? NTA these are not pranks, this is just immature and terrible behavior. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. You need to stick up for your husband and cut contact with these abusive freaks. I would sue those dumb asses. They probably feel less than because he's a college boy (that's the thing they have pointed out) so they are all proving that they are actually real men while he isn't. Enjoy the rest of your life with your fianc. If your cousin does want to talk, then I'd set out some serious ground rules first, but let him talk, after all if he is genuinely sorry and willing to admit he was a dick as well as apologise to your fiance then, he deserves a second chance. Hiding his inhaler and trying to kill/risk his life. I act as a buffer between my boyfriend and my family and I expect him to do the same between me and his. Exactly. OP, this already is a wedge. Your only punishment is not coming to the wedding? "I also don't want my sister moaning about being surrounded by kids, as they probably make up about 1/3 of the guest list. You don't justget to do that. Do not compromise on this, theyre irredeemable assholes. Also at the same time (not sure if due to asthma or something else causing it) my brain stopped receiving oxygen and I was gasping for air but never actually breathing any in. This is abusive. It took until they actually endangered his life for her to tell her idiot relatives to stop torturing the man she allegedly loves? Were I Tim Id be rethinking marrying you. But the sort of person who deserves a solid partnership with a good person would see her family for what it is and decide not to see them again for herself, because she doesnt want to associate with that kind of toxicity and values herself too highly to do it anymore. Run off with your fianc and dont look back. Leave them uninvited. I wouldnt even consider talking to them for a while. they are very incompatible when it comes to family matters. There's enough idiots in the world who would say the same things I say but actually mean what they say. Hey OP, your family sucks big time. Just they just seem like big bullies to me. should've paid someone a couple hundred an hour to change them and then took them to court with the bill honestly. Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? Dad has high expectations, but he is never mean about it (you won't even know you're tested). Its a messy situation and it will most likely be a rocky marriage as your family set the tone for it with their nonsense trying to test your partners manliness. Who are they to judge masculinity? OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I might be ta because I'm depriving my male relatives of a chance to attend a once in a life event even though they said they were sorry. The fact that she let it get this far and thought nothing much of it it telling. When they cry, they can be told real men meet their financial obligations or post their own bail. Obviously, OP is NTA for booting them from the wedding. NTA. they took away an asthmatics inhaler which could potentially lead to death, and youre asking if youre the AH for uninviting them to your wedding? Your fiance is not an opportunity for your uncle and brothers to demonstrate their masculinity. "Family" doesn't mean anything. Yeah, it can range in severity. Hiding lifesaving medicine? Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. I will say NTA, I hate self proclaimed "pranksters" and the way that they behave is just downright awful with the hope of using "it was just a prank" to be absolved of everything bad that they've done, but you seriously let this behaviour continue after they slashed his tyres? My dad is technically my stepdad but he is the only dad I have ever known. Specifically in a situation like this where her partner is likely trying to keep the peace with her family so accepting more crap than he would usually. Your family already drove that wedge, not Timmy. Amen. It's no joke and can be severely deadly. These are NOT pranks. Agreed. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? OP, they should be damn lucky your fiance hasn't just walked away from you and the marriage. Stay strong. Just look at the way talk about him! Who stands up for what is right? I literally freaked out because I definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and I tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance I had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. If they don't go NC, I can definitely see cousins bullying her children for being "soft" because their dad and grandpa said Uncle Tim is soft, too. Theyre literally vandalizing a vehicle and engaging in medical abuse to prove some sort of sick and twisted toxic masculinity flex. They disrespected the college boy. But I keep refusing to re invite them. I think it's great to forgive assholes if they stop, and family unity is important, but if someone is an asshole and will continue to be an asshole and refuses to stop being an asshole, they definitely should be kept as far away as possible. Why aren't you protecting your fiance from these assholes? Honestly the fact that you're asking that question makes me wanna call you an asshole. Try to prank their father out of them? Who shows you affection and makes you happy and feel loved? And it sounds like typically the women enable it. If anyone did this to my husband I would have saw red. Keep the fiance and his family and go NC with yours because YIKES. They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! Your family is really toxic. My mother had saved child support payments for years so I could go to college. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Also, are they the kind of people who can sit down and shut up? They've shown they aren't capable, loving, supportive people. They're the ones that have broken the trust. Seriously, people shouldnt mess with other peoples medical stuff regardless of whether its a pair of glasses, a wheelchair or an inhaler. Words simultaneously have no meaning at all and all of their possible meanings. I seriously wonder what kind of testosterone hell OP had to deal with growing up. And they think they are adults. Why were you even associating with them?! ESH. So the men in your family should love the prank in return where you have security at the wedding/reception door bouncing them out on their rears while the videographer snags it for laughs. ^ This exactly. Create a new healthy family. Toxic masculinity at it's finest. NTA at all. They fucked up. yeah, what kind of balanced human being needs to ask reddit if this kinda shit is ok? They're immature little boys who believe they have to pretend to be tough so they don't get laughed at. These arent pranks. It's not funny and it never will be. They deserve to be uninvited. They are BULLIES, OP. Your fianc is a trooper for putting up with them. This is insecure assholes being assholes because they feel intimidated by OP marrying a guy that is likely more successful. What did they expect to accomplish? OP has some gumption. Your fianc could have died! To cut a long story short, I realised quite quickly in my older teen years (17) that my dad manipulated and gaslit me throughout my childhood and my mother was never the villain. "However, I figured I . Or are they just sorry because they can't attend your wedding now? I would have dumped OP and never gotten involved with this family if she didn't stick up for me. Or tell Tims's sons their father is "soft" and a wimp? The opposite is also true, she's 16 and has no freaking clue what she's doing. Who knows what theyre going to pull at the wedding and even after. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Instead he has a lot of grit to put up with these AHs. There is nothing scarier than not being able to find your inhaler when you cant breathe, and the stress often makes it worse. What a bunch of toxic people. Ps: slashing tires is criminal vandalism. Tim most love you to bits to put up with all this sheee-itte coz Id be gone after they slashed my tyres.you are 100% NTA here your family sound mental. Your question shouldn't be about uninviting your asshole family, it should be Time to report them to the police for their legitimately criminal behaviour, and they can discover how manly they are in the face of a police investigation. It's easy to spot the black things, harder to see the greys and off whites. I have asthma and reading that gave me chills. They just sound like a bunch of assholes!! It doesn't look dangerous to them when you're wheezing from an attack. It's been five years since I realized what was going on, and only one sibling has come to the same conclusion since then. He needs to man up! AITA for uninviting my stepdad from my wedding so my brothers could come? They're going to drive him away from you and be all oh shucks. Pranks are harmless fun. Thats not an excuse, honestly. I sent Dean and Kevin invitations but once they found out that our stepdad was going to be there, they said they might not come. How can four people be so fucked in the head to think it is acceptable to hide much-needed medication from someone?! Who do they think they are? So mostly right, and condolences for your friend. NTA. Now I'm not a kid anymore - I'm as old as he was when he became a parent, I own my own home, and I'm going to be handling my household the way he raised me to, with respect for myself and my. You joke, but men let their toxic/insecure masculinity come between them and lifesaving healthcare. Seriously, OP has definitely shown Tim her priorities. Its not something my doctor (who happens to also have mild asthma of the forget it exists then you get a cold and your inhaler is expired type) and I have put in our shared stories of nearly, but not entirely, outgrown asthma. NTA - the men in your family will continue to treat people awfully as long as its allowed. Even if their intentions weren't malicious, they put your fiance's life in danger with their ignorance and constant boundary crossing. Risking death because your family is shit just isnt worth it in the long run. I would be pressing charges for sure. Typical stepdad behavior. I was living with them and did what he wanted. They'll fit right in regardless. Honestly, if I were your fiance, I'd have left when you showed through your actions that's it's ok for your family to SLASH HIS TIRES. From expensive property damage to verbal abuse to life threatening actions. He also gets occasional chest pain. Yeah- it bothers me that OP calls slashing someone's tires is "a prank". First, none of those "challenges" are typical of things men do and several are legit crimes. It isn't easy to do; it isn't easy to learn when to do it. Slashing his tyres? Your poor fianc has been suffering. Slashing tires and taking an asthmatics inhaler is not typical. Dad is flat out saying he will never respect OPs husband. But by cutting him out you're relationship with the other family members may have to change as well. TBH, if I were your fianc, I'd probably end the relationship if you DONT go NC with them, because they're literally dangerous to him. And if so, would that change if he were to get seriously ill or worse? Cut them off, OP. Those men are beyond toxic. This is more than just consequences for actions, it's looking out for your special day. I was sitting down looking at daddy-daughter dance songs when I got the urge to just text and confirm he will be able to make it to my wedding. NTA. Not that I'd hold out much hope for that. You will never have a proper stable relationship due to youre family. They dont need to be all macho and emotionally stunted like your dad and family seem to be. by AITApod (Am I The A**hole Podcast) AITApod (Am I The A**hole Podcast) By Danny Vega & Sara Levine Danny Vega, TikTok cringelord, and Sara Levine, meme queen master's student, read listener submissions & pilfer from the similarly-named subreddit. Those kind of men are toxic manly only when they know there is no one to challenge them. If they are going to test your bf like that what kind of tortures do they have in store for future kids. Youre NTA but you will be if you force your future husband to be around them. I know you were brought up to believe this is normal, but it's not. AHs are still AHs. What about them proving to you that they are decent people who love and care about you? How manly would their intake photos look. Cousin asked if "little timmy ran to me to tattle". Wtf ! Honestly - can you imagine what these hillbilllys are capable of pulling at the wedding? Damn he must love you to have continued to be abused. Feeling like your body is not getting enough oxygen is a scary ass experience, one that I would never wish on anyone. From what you've said I sure don't. They are astoundingly in the wrong and you are right to uninvite them. Not only uninvite them, you should cut contact completely. This kind of stuff is not typical male behaviour, a prank would be something like short sheeting a bed or sticking googly eyes on everything in the fridge, not slashing tyres (I certainly hope they paid for the tyres to be repaired or replaced). I actually disagree with everyone who says you're not the asshole because you very clearly are. I was his tail as a child and went with him everywhere, people knew me as the apple of his eye. Never wish on anyone i could go to college is often the wild child who does everything they are incompatible! `` a prank '' family if she did n't stick up for me the women it! 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